By Andy Bernadett
In October of 2024, my wife, Kim Zwick, died. We were married for 22 playful and hard-working years. Unfortunately, complications from dementia got her way too early as she was only 59 years old.
Kim lived a full and generous life. She loved music and concerts, being outdoors, and spending time in her church community. More than anything she loved helping people. That was just who she was…steady, kind, and always, always, always showing up for others.
When it was time to put Kim on Hospice care, my family and I were met with that same kind of care through Foothills Compassionate Care. The caregivers who supported us did more than provide medical assistance – they brought compassion, calm, and competence into the most difficult circumstance I’d ever been in. I don’t know that one can adequately be prepared to walk with a spouse when they are clearly close to death. Foothills Compassionate Care was huge in coaching and assisting our family with how to cope and get through an unwanted and sad situation.
After Kim died, I operated on shock and adrenaline for about 3 months with the overwhelming grief and bureaucracy one has to deal with when a spouse dies. During this phase I was also receiving calls from Foothills Compassionate Care about joining their grief support group. I did not appreciate those calls at first as I was already dealing with a mountain of phone calls, paperwork, and frustration. Despite the hassles of being a surviving spouse, and not being a “support group guy,” I finally decided to give Foothills Compassionate Care a try…certainly no downside and I might learn something.
I attended two meetings and was not sold, remaining a “not a support group guy,” although it was a good place to cry. On my third meeting, one of the guys relayed some solid, practical advice that worked for him: “Never pass up a urinal.” I ended up building off that small, yet useful, piece of shared knowledge and have now been in the group for over a year. These are my people, they can relate. Losing a spouse is not unique…check my arithmetic, roughly half of married people will experience it, but it is uniquely difficult for the surviving spouse. It’s devastating in its own unique and all-consuming way. I can’t describe how confusing and unsettling it was for me for the six plus months after Kim died. I didn’t know what time I should brush my teeth. Everything was new. Everything changes. Every tiny little thing.
Foothills Compassionate Care is often known for the support they provide at the end of life, and rightfully so; they do an excellent job. What I didn’t realize, until that third group meeting and the ensuing year, is how incredibly helpful the support group would be for me. Their counseling and grief services have made a huge difference in how I approach and deal with grief. I now consider myself an expert griever and continue to process Kim’s death in a thorough and healthy manner thanks to Foothills Compassionate Care. Ask my kids.
In a community like ours, where people really do look out for one another, organizations like Foothills Compassionate Care matter. Losing Kim was very difficult on every level, the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. The shared experience of the group doesn’t completely take away the pain, but it did make it manageable and helped enable me to come to terms with Kim’s death while also helping me to look forward to the future.
While I don’t recommend being a surviving spouse as a way to grow and create a new you, I can tell you that the Foothills Compassionate Care support group was a great way for me to go from shock and adrenaline to navigating my new life in a healthy manner. Although I was initially as skeptical as they come, I am now a huge fan of the FCC support group and highly recommend it. It’s the best group I hope you never have to join.
Originally published in The Union, April 16, 2026