Group Meetings to Support Each Other Through Grief
By Valerie Costa
For many of us, the loss of a spouse is the worst thing we can imagine. Hospice of the Foothills (HOF) offers thirteen-month bereavement groups for those who are going through what is one of the most difficult moments of one’s life, and it has proven to be incredibly helpful for those who are facing the rest of their lives without their life partner. However, some of the participants decided to take that one step further to meet outside of the official group to support each other in their grief and life.
Wanting to enhance the support that she received in the bereavement group, Tracy Kozlowski, who lost her husband unexpectedly 20 months ago, invited everyone to meet for coffee so that anyone in the group who was interested could come and continue their conversation in “the real world.” The idea was to help herself and others bridge the gap and take baby steps to begin living again, and it has since blossomed into something unique and beautiful. “This group has become a family to me and many others who participate. I know I can call on anyone if I need anything and they will be there,” Tracy said. “It really is a fun group. Even though we’ve been through the most terrible events, we can lean on each other. And hugs are a huge help!”
The group began meeting at different times of the month to go to lunch or coffee. One of the men in the group made a film in honor of his wife which premiered at the Nevada Theatre, so they all went. They have also done walking trails, potlucks, and a LEGO party, but Tracy emphasizes that it’s not about the activity, it’s about the connection and conversation.
There is no rhyme or reason to the group besides the loss they share. Participants come from diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and viewpoints, but the common denominator is grief after loss of a spouse. “It’s great to have other people who understand where you’re coming from. We are gentle with each other because we know that we all go through periods of ups and downs. It’s not always a sunny, shiny day,” explained group member Cynthia Hren, who lost her husband eleven months ago. “We get it, we are all in the same place. Everything is different after you lose your spouse; it totally changes your life. However, this group gives us all hope for a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.”
In addition to meet ups, many group members take it upon themselves to check in on each other, especially when they see that someone is struggling more than usual or if they notice that a group member has withdrawn from everyone else. Group member Rich Hinman says that the group can be a lifeline for many as they process their loss. “Having this group is another piece of surviving for me, and has helped me to learn how to put one foot in front of the other and make it another day. When my grief is the worst, I go back to gratitude. I wouldn’t change the 33 years I had with my wife for anything.”
If you have lost a loved one, contact Grief Support to be connected with the bereavement group and this incredible unnamed group of loving support.